released June 10, 2016

Produced and Recorded by Jon Drew at Taurus Studio and Union Sound Company
Mixed by Ryan Mall at Lilliansounds
Mastered by Dave Gardner at Infrasonic Sound



all rights reserved


PKEW PKEW PKEW Toronto, Ontario

PKEW PKEW PKEW are the Lance Armstrongs of music. We Dope.


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Track Name: Blood Clot
BLOOD CLOT: Blood clots / No, they don't mean a thing when they're in your muscles and they're not in your veins / You're back to punch life in the fuckin' face / You can't skateboard in February without a little pain / It was a bad decision on an afternoon drunk / We had to go to the hospital, but at least we had fun / At least you landed it / Blood clots don't mean a thing when they're in your muscle, not in your vein / You're my hero
Track Name: Asshole Pandemic
ASSHOLE PANDEMIC: “I can hear you two floors down / This is a building” / Asshole pandemic / Why’s this fuckin’ dick gotta be such a cock? / All your fuckin’ knockin’ is pissin’ us off / “Can you keep that noise down? / I ain’t kiddin’, oh no / It’s too loud for six at night / Me and my wife, we’re tryin’ to fight”
Track Name: Prequel to Asshole Pandemic
PREQUEL TO ASSHOLE PANDEMIC: Let's start a band / Let's practice in my apartment / And if the other tenants care, then fuck 'em / Let's draw up the plans / Let's go to a bar and hatch them / And we'll sing about beer and football / You can knock on our door / We're not gonna care / Say, "Whaddaya got, a rock band in there?" / We do what we want / We ain't got no fear / Whoa / Got a rock band here / Let's get leather pants / We'll grow our hair long and never wash it / And the ladies will all flock to us 'cause they can see that we got big units / We'll be real cool, man / We'll be indoors and we'll wear sunglasses / All the other bands'll fuckin' hate us 'cause we steal all the record labels
Track Name: Mid-20's Skateboarder
MID-20’S SKATEBOARDER: Mid-20's skateboarder / I hope I don't get hurt / Drinkin' a six-pack o' beer takes away all the fear
Track Name: Hangin' Out
HANGIN’ OUT: I wanna sit here 'cause I can / I wanna drink beer with my friends / No, I don't wanna care 'bout your plans / Oh yeah, we're hangin' out / I wanna sit here with my friends / I wanna drink beer from beer cans / I don't wanna care 'bout your plans / Oh yeah, we're hangin' out / Stay in or go out? / No, I don't really care at all / Stay in or go out? / I've got my friends / I've got it all / Stay in or go out? / No, I don't really care at all / Whoa / We're hangin' out / All day / All night / All day / Alright
Track Name: The Prime Minister of Defense
THE PRIME MINISTER OF DEFENSE: We're all normal dudes / Most the time, we fight and we lose / Life's kinda like baseball / It's failure / But at least we brought booze / We're all Johnny MacDonald / Always at the plate, tryin' to break a slump / We'd try hard if we were able, but this taste in our mouth kinda leaves us numb / Let's stay in the minors, where we can hit well, even when we're drunk / We got a great defense for why we bailed on all our plans
Track Name: Glory Days
GLORY DAYS: Small dreams / Small town / I'm glad I'm not still around / 'Cause the townies don't grow / They just stay the same / They just wanna relive that high school fame / And that was always something that scared me: that these could be the best days I'd ever see / But if those were your glory days, well, I'm glad I wasn't around / Yeah, if those were your glory days, you must be real shitty now / Pickup trucks / Small-town racists / They get DUI's and they plead their cases on a Saturday night / That's what you do / Dirt bikes / Choko jackets / Mediocre athletes who never had it / But you got a Fox Racing tattoo / If those were your glory days, I'm glad I wasn't around / If those were your glory days, you must be real shitty now / You got married straight outta high school / The prettiest girl, but she'll never love you / She gained a hundred pounds and so did you / Now drinking just doesn't hack it / All your friends left town or got bad drug habits / Please don't have any kids / We don't need more o' you
Track Name: Let's Order A Pizza
LET’S ORDER A PIZZA: Let's order a pizza / I gotta eat something before I throw up / Not calling, called it / 'Cause I ordered it last time
Track Name: Before We Go Out Drinking
BEFORE WE GO OUT DRINKING: We don’t make much money / That should come as no surprise / We got drunk before we left so we wouldn’t have to spend much tonight / When the money’s almost gone, we find a way to still have fun / Chalk it up to being drunk, or just being dumb / We ain’t leavin’ ‘til the beers are done / ‘Cause we are gettin’ drunk before we go out drinkin’ / That is the best part of our night / Oh yeah / Gettin’ drunk and feelin’ fine / We always bring lots of extras / We’re alley-beer-drinkin’ guys / And if you can’t find us, it’s ‘cause we’re drinkin’ outside / Yeah, when we’re at home, we are just watchin’ TV / We’re not real fun guys / We’ll party with you at a bar if we have to / But before we go out tonight
Track Name: Stop Calling Us Chief
STOP CALLING US, CHIEF: You gotta stop callin’ us, Chief / We’re hot shit / Can’t be replaced / You want money / You got the taste / Well, power suits can’t save ya / The phrase that pays / We’re in the streets / You wanna win some deli meats / We won’t sign that / We won’t sell out / Get the fuck out / The deli meats / The phrase that pays
Track Name: Kathie Lee & Hoda
KATHIE LEE & HODA: Does the crushing defeat keep you up late at night? / Oh, Kathie Lee, Hoda, what's wrong with my life? / It's the debt and depression / Decisions I've made / Fuck it / I'll worry 'bout that shit some other day / NSF cheques, student loans, interest fees / Can't pay off my debts 'til I get what I need / Go buy all my shit / It's all on Kijiji / Sellin' my assets for drinkin' money / Magic Bullet, what time is it? / I check the hands on the clock every five minutes / I'm up all night worrying about whether I'll go to sleep or not / Fuck / I could suffer through life or have fun 'til I die / Well, I just wanna lay down, but fuck it, I'll fight